Grief is not a foreign concept to God. Jesus experienced the full range of human emotions when he walked upon this spinning orb.

When Jesus heard about John the Baptist’s death, he sought solace in solitude, a place of silence to commune with Father.


The crowds followed and he had compassion and he healed. Then the miracle came of the loaves and the bread and the 5,000. He multiplied sustenance because of love, putting off his silent contemplation to reveal himself as the Life giver.

After my father died and the world kept spinning, out of my control, but in the orbit of ages past, I wanted to live in slow motion. When at work, I’d laugh with my co-workers for a decade of seconds, then I’d crawl in myself, open the proverbial book of memories and push pause. But the pause button was broken. If I smiled, it mystically appeared on my face. No spontaneous laughter existed in my world then. I clocked in at 8:30 am, out at 5:30 pm and the world was out of my control.


When Jesus finished feeding the crowd on that hill, he sent the disciples ahead and went to the heights of the hills under cover of an ebony sky to push pause.


Mountains and stars hugged him in his communion with Father, like the warmth of the steaming bread in the upper room before his death on a tree; the life-bread in the hands of the five thousand before death contemplation on that hill.

And the disciples thought he was a ghost when he walked on rough waters at 3 am to meet them after his silent time. That day alone he displayed his supremacy over the elements, over lack of food, over their fears, circumstances.

“You really are the Son of God!” they told him, after he climbed in the boat that night.

He was the one whom John proclaimed in the wilderness, a loud voice shouting, “Prepare! Prepare! The Kingdom of heaven is near!”

John waded in the water then, baptizing with the flow. Jesus walked on the water, touching creation yet eminent over it.

People asked, “Who is this man?”
-When he calmed the storm
– When he forgave sins and healed the hurting
– When his toes were cleansed by the tears of the whore, made lover.

After the miracle feeding of the thousands, Jesus proclaimed, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again (John 6:35)”-in our solitude, handing us a steaming loaf of bread.

Published by AllisonGraber

Allison Graber is a Nashville writer and lover of Jesus. She is 14-years married to Lynn, a mix engineer with quiet ways and a loyal spirit. Her two little girls, Ellis and Adeleine, daily coax delight out of her heart. The paradigm through which she sees the world has been built brick-by-brick from her experiences with her Jesus, her love of people, through loss, curiosity, Holy words, and through the surprising joy of motherhood. She writes about these things at

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