In Which I Almost Died

Allison Graber and family

10 years ago today my life was spared and the magnitude of that gift hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. I was in traffic and I remembered.

The loss of a child (at 10 weeks along).

The gift of a future (after losing 2/3 of my blood volume).

But mostly, I was reminded of the necessity of celebration in the heavy, the mundane, and the beautiful. It was how I survived.

First I celebrated being able to walk, then showering by myself.

And when my world expanded again, I began to celebrate hearts that beat, lungs that expand, bowels that work, rain that pours, wind that blows, even on the hard days.

Because of that loss, I hold loosely to those things to which I used to cling.

I’m learning to take each season in stride, recognizing I won’t have it all at once.

I am more gracious to myself when I make mistakes, although I have a long way to go.

And to the person right in front of me, I see you now. You, a traveler like me, may be at a different place in your journey, but that doesn’t mean either of us are better or worse. We are different.

So, today I’m celebrating life lessons from these past ten years, the time with the man who is faithful by my side, and the two little girls who are in existence because my life was spared.

I’m also crying, remembering, and memorializing my little lost one with my tears.

What are you celebrating today?

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